I think I've run out of titles....nothing clever, thought provoking or eye catching comes to mind today.
I live for the day when I can come here in delirious joy and blog about something overwhelmingly positive. For now, though, I guess it's just my place to "spill my guts" and get my thoughts out. At some point, I know the people around me get sick of my whining, so I'll just come here and do it at a computer screen.
We did get to go to GA this past weekend. David was being ordained as a pastor in the Free Will Baptist Association and I wanted to be there for that. We drove down on Friday and got back on Monday. It was a good trip and I think we all enjoyed just getting away from the house for a little while. It was nice to relax and visit for a little while.
Monday: When we got up to leave on Monday, Stacy was feeling like crud. We got home at 6 p.m. on Monday and he went straight to bed...he didn't help carry things in, he didn't change his clothes, he just went and crawled under the covers and went to sleep.
Tuesday: By Tuesday morning, I was terrified. He was breathing short, shallow, rapid breaths and couldn't move. I called and made an 11:00 appt. with Linda Stovall, but I couldn't take him in. I had to take Catie and Jacob to the dentist at 10:30...Catie for a tooth she'd had filled and was still bothering her, Jacob for a filling that had fallen out. The lovely news....Catie has to have a root canal and all four wisdom teeth cut out. They just filled Jacob's cavity again and fussed at him for not brushing his teeth. When we got out of the dentist appointment, we browsed around town waiting for Catie's 2 o'clock pre-op appt. for the surgery to remove the cyst. I received the call from Stacy that he had pretty severe pneumonia and that he was to see a pulmonologist at 4 pm. and that it was highly likely he'd be hospitalized. Panic!! We have no health insurance. Then I happened to think that they had put Catie on antibiotics for her tooth...and wondered if they'd go through with the surgery. I called the office, she took her off the pre-op schedule until she spoke with Dr. Richards on Wednesday morning. Relief...now I could at least take Stacy to HIS appt. I came home and picked Stacy up for his 4:00 with Dr. Smith (the pulmonologist). Definitely pneumonia. His white blood cell count was 26,000....it's supposed to be 10,000. Very sick. Stay in bed. LOTS of liquids. Come back Thursday, if you're not better, you have to go to the hospital. He was kind enough to take 25% off of the bill and to give him samples to cover the antibiotics he needed. He also gave him an RX for pain meds. Linda had already given him a Rocephin shot and a breathing treatment and an inhaler to take with him. Somewhere in all of this mix, Skylan began to complain with HER ear hurting. At first, I thought it was just a fluke...until it brought her to tears. Note to self: make an appt. with Linda first thing Wed. morning.
Wednesday: On Wed. we went from having ONE appointment (Catie's physical therapy), to having FOUR. We eliminated one of those by rescheduling her PT for Thursday morning. The others all came quickly. Dr. Richards' office called to say she was still on for surgery and that we could go in for pre-op at 2 p.m. After I hung up with them, I called Linda's office to get an appt. for Skylan and Abby (Abby had complained with an earache off and on while we were in GA). No appointments because they only had one provider there that day. I could go as a walk in, so we got ready to go in. In the meantime, Jacob comes into the living room and I ask what he has in his mouth...thinking he's eating breakfast. Nope. The side of his face is HUGE...so I'm assuming the tooth they filled has abscessed. Called the dentist and they NEED to see him TODAY. Made that appointment for 1 p.m. and set out to Linda's office praying that they would get us in and out in time to get Jacob to the 1 p.m. appt. Success with that. Amy looked at Skylan and Abby and both had ear infections. BOTH of Abby's ears were red and one of Skylan's was running...she mentioned that she had possibly had a minor rupture in there. Augmentin and Zyrtec for both of them. Dash home and grab Catie and Jacob for their appointments and head out again. One look at Jacob and the dentist confirmed exactly what I had thought. Abscessed. Bring him in on the 28th with Catie and they'll do a root canal. In the meantime, Amoxicillin four times a day. Yay me. Now 5 out of 6 people in the household are on antibiotics. Off to pre-op. One would think that pre-op for a minor surgery like a cyst on the back of the hand wouldn't take long. WRONG. We were there from 2 p.m. until 4:35 p.m. Off to the drug store where it took another 35 minutes to get all of the prescriptions filled and then to the store for milk. We finally got home at around 6:30.
Thursday: Took Catie in for her PT at 10 and then took Jacob over to outpatient to get his blood work done. The psychiatric NP at LifeSkills orders it every so often to make sure his meds aren't increasing his liver enzymes, cholesterol, etc. That was fairly quick. Stacy called and said he was nauseous so I told him to call the NP and ask her to call in something for an upset stomach. I went over and picked that up and then went back to pick Catie up from PT. Came home and sat down for about 15 minutes and then we were out the door again for Catie's surgery. We were to arrive at 12:40 and surgery was set for 2:40. I took Abby with me to make it easier on Skylan and Stacy. Everything went fine with surgery and we finally got to leave at about 6:15 p.m. I still pushed to make it to church. I just needed to go. Oh! And Stacy's checkup did go well. He's improving and can possibly go back to work on Monday IF he feels well enough. I really hate having him be self employed...it makes it horrible for us not being able to afford health insurance and it also means if he's not working, he's not getting paid. Someone once told me that being self employed means there's never a happy medium...it's either feast or famine. I'm waiting for the feast!! LOL
So that brings us to today. Stacy is feeling much better, Catie is recovering from surgery and Jacob's face isn't QUITE as swollen as it was. Skylan and Abby are both feeling somewhat better too. And me...well...I'm just praying for a quiet, uneventful weekend!!!
If you've read this, please just pray for us. We really need everyone to get well and feel better and I really just need a week or two without all of these crazy appointments!! I'd really like to find some type of part time job to help out around here with all of the bills (we're STILL paying hospital and doctor bills from last year when the shop burned down and Stacy was injured), but with the crazy schedule, I just don't see how that would work out. I don't think there's a job out there that would work around our craziness.
Oh...coming back to edit this to say....we've had more issues with the birth mother. She called me three different times to put me down. I never answer, I just let voice mail get it. Grandma had been in the hospital and apparently the birth mother was just "very surprised" in my reaction. I have a husband and four children. I am fairly busy (ha, HA) and while I'm concerned for Grandma, I can't drop my life and deal with that family. I'm SO done with the birth mother...I did make Catie talk to Grandma on the phone and tell her EVERYTHING. Including that she had smoked pot, snuck out of the house, smoked cigarettes and drank beer with the birth mother. Of course, birth mom denies it all, but she's always been a liar and probably will continue to be. I did find out that Grandma thought I had given my permission for the kids to go with birth mom and the new husband to the stepdaughter's graduation...and that's why she let them go. I don't know when she's going to learn or accept the fact that she should never believe anything their birth mother says...but she's not going to have the opportunity to be deceived again. I'm done.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Okay, yep...it's time to freak out
Forewarning...this post is probably going to appear as one big ol' pity party, but if you choose to read, please bear with me. Stress is taking over and I'm thinking maybe it will help to just get it out somehow. Don't you feel lucky that you chose this post to read?? :)
Push aside the former posts about Catie possibly being addicted to prescription drugs. We have bigger problems. From the time I got the kids, I had determined to allow them to keep the ties to their birth family. All too often I had read or heard of kids who lost touch with birth families and ended up mentally or emotionally disturbed because of it. I wasn't too determined to keep the birth mother in the picture, but I did want Grandma in the picture. She wasn't physically or financially capable of taking them on to raise and it really just wasn't fair for her to lose her grandchildren because of the faults of her daughter. Being that they were her ONLY grandchildren because their mother is an only child (thank God for THAT!), I chose to allow occasional visitation. For a long time, birth mom was in and out of trouble...jail, prison, halfway houses, rehab, etc. Going to Grandma's was no big ordeal. When she recently got out of prison (all drug related stuff aside from a couple of identity theft offenses) I laid down the law to Grandma AND the kids. IF she were to show up while the kids were at Grandma's, they were not to go ANYWHERE with her...NEVER to be alone with her, etc. Grandma did great for awhile. However, the last visit turned out to be a disaster. Over the course of two weeks since their visit, I have learned that they DID leave with birth mom (all three of them), they WERE left alone with her, Catie snuck (is that a word??) out of the house alone with her and went to a drug dealer's house where Catie "enjoyed" a few beers at this location as well, she gave Catie cigarettes to smoke, also gave Catie marijuana to smoke (there with her, I reckon they shared it) and bought Jacob a can of dip. I also learned that at some point or another (not on this visit, I don't believe) that the birth mother also introduced Skylan to her birth father who also happens to be on the child sex offender list. Now...I don't know what it would be like to spontaneously combust, but at this point every fiber of my being is jumping and shaking and feeling like my entire body is going to explode. I am beyond angry. They will NEVER go back to Grandma's as long as birth mother is alive or out of prison/jail/etc. How can people BE so STUPID??? One would think that after a 33 year old woman had lost her children, spent time in jail, faced death twice due to drug related accidents and been physically abused that she would want better for the children she gave birth to. Apparently NOT. I don't even know what to say about it all. I've prayed...although I haven't really cried yet. I'm too numb. I don't know that we'd have a case if we turned her in because Catie would NEVER rat her out and I don't know that the other two would, either, if push came to shove. I do know that if it comes down to it, we will get a restraining order against birth mother. I TRULY desire your prayers...for Catie to see the error of her ways...for her to understand that God intends so much more for her life...and for her to truly feel guilty for what she has done. And for me or Stacy not to have a nervous breakdown.
On top of all of that, things seem to be falling apart. Something is still wrong with the belt on the van, we need new tires as our back two are bald as is the spare, we need a new batter and an oil change. We just got our computer fixed after the hard drive crashed and then we had to spend more money to replace the net card in it because apparently one of the storms got it. The kids are going to Georgia with the church youth group this weekend and that's going to cost us. Then I am DETERMINED to go to Georgia for a couple of days next month to see David set forth as full time pastor of the church where he is currently interim pastor. We are also still waiting for Mr. Huff to return our money that we've paid in for Catie's Color Guard since she won't be able to participate this year. She's had one knee surgery this year...they went in and repaired her meniscus (the cartilage behind the knee) and took out the old ACL and the old hardware. He did a bone graft to fill in where the old hardware had been. Now we get to do physical therapy for the next few weeks...and THEN go BACK in for ANOTHER surgery, probably right before school starts. He will then reattach yet another ACL...and we'll be in physical therapy for another six weeks or so. Add to that, this will be Abby's first year of school...we'll have four in school this year...and that means four to buy supplies for sometime in the month of July before school starts around the first part of August....and clothes....and shoes.... Both nieces are going to school in August, so I'll be losing a good part of my babysitting money. I'd get a job to help with everything, but it's impossible with all of the appointments we have going all the time.
Jacob isn't doing much better. He threw an ugly embarrassing fit at church Sunday night and I threw an ugly embarrassing fit in return. I get so tired of being judged. I get tired of people thinking we're mean to our kids because they've had a hard lot in life. Regardless of the lot they've had in life, we still have to teach them right from wrong...and we are doing our dead level best. We might not do it like other parents would...but we DO act in the way we think is best for them. If we DON'T teach them right from wrong, where will we stand in the judgement of God? How will they make it through life and not end up like their birth mother? I don't want to be held accountable for that. We are NOT mean...we are NOT abusive. He is still so defiant and well...just lazy. He has to be told several times a day to do his chores which are only to empty the garbage and put a new bag in the can, feed the cats and clean his room. Then he is to mow the yard once a week. He's already set one lawn mower on fire this summer and our other push mower is out of commission...so now we're having to borrow Mom's. Anyway, his anger seems to be a tiny bit better, but he just can't understand why he MUST learn responsibility and he cannot grip the fact that he can't always have his way. Understandable if he were three...but he's not, he's thirteen. I wish I could send him to live with the mennonites for awhile!!
Our dog died. Skylan was DEVASTATED. She has grown up with that dog for the past seven years. I knew she was getting old as she was getting slow and her coat was turning white. But I guess nothing ever really prepares you. Abby was upset as well...but she cried for awhile and got it out. When Stacy went to move her (the dog), Abby wanted to go with him but Jacob told her it would make her cry again...she matter of factly told him that she would NOT cry again, she had cried out all of her tears already!!
And last, but not least...I hate that our life just can't be normal. I hate Stacy having his own business. He did some work for a man recently that just was not nice to him at all. He did Stacy ugly and didn't pay him what they agreed upon although Stacy DID do the work that they agreed upon. Now he can't take a paycheck this week...which straps us BIG TIME. It's not enough to take legal action over, we certainly can't afford that and we wouldn't take that step anyway. It's just very frustrating. I keep praying that God will provide, but somehow I'm starting to feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean with a concrete block tied around my ankles.
So there it is...I know it sounds like a bad country song, but that's the update. Please just pray that I don't explode (after all, THAT would be MESSY) and that we can find some kind of peace in this crazy, crazy storm.
Push aside the former posts about Catie possibly being addicted to prescription drugs. We have bigger problems. From the time I got the kids, I had determined to allow them to keep the ties to their birth family. All too often I had read or heard of kids who lost touch with birth families and ended up mentally or emotionally disturbed because of it. I wasn't too determined to keep the birth mother in the picture, but I did want Grandma in the picture. She wasn't physically or financially capable of taking them on to raise and it really just wasn't fair for her to lose her grandchildren because of the faults of her daughter. Being that they were her ONLY grandchildren because their mother is an only child (thank God for THAT!), I chose to allow occasional visitation. For a long time, birth mom was in and out of trouble...jail, prison, halfway houses, rehab, etc. Going to Grandma's was no big ordeal. When she recently got out of prison (all drug related stuff aside from a couple of identity theft offenses) I laid down the law to Grandma AND the kids. IF she were to show up while the kids were at Grandma's, they were not to go ANYWHERE with her...NEVER to be alone with her, etc. Grandma did great for awhile. However, the last visit turned out to be a disaster. Over the course of two weeks since their visit, I have learned that they DID leave with birth mom (all three of them), they WERE left alone with her, Catie snuck (is that a word??) out of the house alone with her and went to a drug dealer's house where Catie "enjoyed" a few beers at this location as well, she gave Catie cigarettes to smoke, also gave Catie marijuana to smoke (there with her, I reckon they shared it) and bought Jacob a can of dip. I also learned that at some point or another (not on this visit, I don't believe) that the birth mother also introduced Skylan to her birth father who also happens to be on the child sex offender list. Now...I don't know what it would be like to spontaneously combust, but at this point every fiber of my being is jumping and shaking and feeling like my entire body is going to explode. I am beyond angry. They will NEVER go back to Grandma's as long as birth mother is alive or out of prison/jail/etc. How can people BE so STUPID??? One would think that after a 33 year old woman had lost her children, spent time in jail, faced death twice due to drug related accidents and been physically abused that she would want better for the children she gave birth to. Apparently NOT. I don't even know what to say about it all. I've prayed...although I haven't really cried yet. I'm too numb. I don't know that we'd have a case if we turned her in because Catie would NEVER rat her out and I don't know that the other two would, either, if push came to shove. I do know that if it comes down to it, we will get a restraining order against birth mother. I TRULY desire your prayers...for Catie to see the error of her ways...for her to understand that God intends so much more for her life...and for her to truly feel guilty for what she has done. And for me or Stacy not to have a nervous breakdown.
On top of all of that, things seem to be falling apart. Something is still wrong with the belt on the van, we need new tires as our back two are bald as is the spare, we need a new batter and an oil change. We just got our computer fixed after the hard drive crashed and then we had to spend more money to replace the net card in it because apparently one of the storms got it. The kids are going to Georgia with the church youth group this weekend and that's going to cost us. Then I am DETERMINED to go to Georgia for a couple of days next month to see David set forth as full time pastor of the church where he is currently interim pastor. We are also still waiting for Mr. Huff to return our money that we've paid in for Catie's Color Guard since she won't be able to participate this year. She's had one knee surgery this year...they went in and repaired her meniscus (the cartilage behind the knee) and took out the old ACL and the old hardware. He did a bone graft to fill in where the old hardware had been. Now we get to do physical therapy for the next few weeks...and THEN go BACK in for ANOTHER surgery, probably right before school starts. He will then reattach yet another ACL...and we'll be in physical therapy for another six weeks or so. Add to that, this will be Abby's first year of school...we'll have four in school this year...and that means four to buy supplies for sometime in the month of July before school starts around the first part of August....and clothes....and shoes.... Both nieces are going to school in August, so I'll be losing a good part of my babysitting money. I'd get a job to help with everything, but it's impossible with all of the appointments we have going all the time.
Jacob isn't doing much better. He threw an ugly embarrassing fit at church Sunday night and I threw an ugly embarrassing fit in return. I get so tired of being judged. I get tired of people thinking we're mean to our kids because they've had a hard lot in life. Regardless of the lot they've had in life, we still have to teach them right from wrong...and we are doing our dead level best. We might not do it like other parents would...but we DO act in the way we think is best for them. If we DON'T teach them right from wrong, where will we stand in the judgement of God? How will they make it through life and not end up like their birth mother? I don't want to be held accountable for that. We are NOT mean...we are NOT abusive. He is still so defiant and well...just lazy. He has to be told several times a day to do his chores which are only to empty the garbage and put a new bag in the can, feed the cats and clean his room. Then he is to mow the yard once a week. He's already set one lawn mower on fire this summer and our other push mower is out of commission...so now we're having to borrow Mom's. Anyway, his anger seems to be a tiny bit better, but he just can't understand why he MUST learn responsibility and he cannot grip the fact that he can't always have his way. Understandable if he were three...but he's not, he's thirteen. I wish I could send him to live with the mennonites for awhile!!
Our dog died. Skylan was DEVASTATED. She has grown up with that dog for the past seven years. I knew she was getting old as she was getting slow and her coat was turning white. But I guess nothing ever really prepares you. Abby was upset as well...but she cried for awhile and got it out. When Stacy went to move her (the dog), Abby wanted to go with him but Jacob told her it would make her cry again...she matter of factly told him that she would NOT cry again, she had cried out all of her tears already!!
And last, but not least...I hate that our life just can't be normal. I hate Stacy having his own business. He did some work for a man recently that just was not nice to him at all. He did Stacy ugly and didn't pay him what they agreed upon although Stacy DID do the work that they agreed upon. Now he can't take a paycheck this week...which straps us BIG TIME. It's not enough to take legal action over, we certainly can't afford that and we wouldn't take that step anyway. It's just very frustrating. I keep praying that God will provide, but somehow I'm starting to feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean with a concrete block tied around my ankles.
So there it is...I know it sounds like a bad country song, but that's the update. Please just pray that I don't explode (after all, THAT would be MESSY) and that we can find some kind of peace in this crazy, crazy storm.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I will not freak out and other musings...
Catie and I talked again yesterday...actually, I did a lot of talking, a little yelling and then some calming down...and we're going to watch her and see what happens over the summer. I so hope she can find some better friends and things improve for her (even if she doesn't know things aren't hunky dory for her right now!). I want to see her last two years of school be good ones for her and to see her do the absolute best that she can.
Today is my birthday! I can't believe I'm 34 today. One more year and I'll be as close to 40 as I am 30. I don't feel any older and some days I still feel as good as I did in my early 20's...then some days I feel 60. LOL
I'm looking forward to the weekend. Stacy has all three days off!! Saturday afternoon, we're going for a picnic in the park and if by some miracle Jacob can do something amazing today or tomorrow (like...I dunno, clean his room and get his other chores done???), then Stacy and the kids may do a little fishing. Not sure yet what we'll pack for food. Maybe we'll grill hot dogs there or just take sandwiches... Then Sunday is church, of course, and Monday we're supposed to go to April and Brian's for a cookout and swimming if it's warm enough to swim. I pray, pray, PRAY that it can be a peaceful, enjoyable weekend!!!
Today is my birthday! I can't believe I'm 34 today. One more year and I'll be as close to 40 as I am 30. I don't feel any older and some days I still feel as good as I did in my early 20's...then some days I feel 60. LOL
I'm looking forward to the weekend. Stacy has all three days off!! Saturday afternoon, we're going for a picnic in the park and if by some miracle Jacob can do something amazing today or tomorrow (like...I dunno, clean his room and get his other chores done???), then Stacy and the kids may do a little fishing. Not sure yet what we'll pack for food. Maybe we'll grill hot dogs there or just take sandwiches... Then Sunday is church, of course, and Monday we're supposed to go to April and Brian's for a cookout and swimming if it's warm enough to swim. I pray, pray, PRAY that it can be a peaceful, enjoyable weekend!!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Daylight isn't coming....
As a mother, I must be blind...or dumb? Over the past year or so, Catie has displayed several behaviors that I never knitted together. Stacy has said for a long time that something else was up with her because she BEGS us and other people for Tylenol or ibuprofen. He knew it was unlikely that she was addicted to those two drugs, but he saw things I just didn't (ie., that she was begging for the Tylenol/ibuprofen trying to get the same effect she might have been getting from other drugs). I never denied there being a problem, but I didn't elaborate on it, either. On top of that, there have been the severe headaches, mysterious money and some pretty bad mood swings. When I blogged about the headaches, I never dreamed that they might be caused from withdrawals. I still don't know where the money comes from...she used to say she found $1 or $2 at school, but it was VERY often and highly unlikely that she was just finding this money. There was even the one situation where she came up with $100 and nobody, still to this day, knows where it came from. And then, the mood swings are pretty self explanatory. Two of her friends and my own sister have confronted her about the amount of pain relievers she takes and my sister was alarmed when Catie was able to tell her what the street value is for each dosage of hydrocodone. So...in the past few weeks, Catie has made some comments that led me to believe she'd been given or had bought hydrocodone from other people. I outright confronted her about it and she admitted that she had taken it. However, yesterday, she admitted to me that it hadn't been very long at all that she had taken it. She also brought it up to the therapist that she was concerned about herself (HIGHLY unusual as she doesn't usually open up to the therapist about ANYTHING). She can't know for sure how much she has taken over the past few months, but she gave the therapist an estimate. People who have issues with medication/drugs always underestimate how much they've had and in the therapist's training, she has been taught to triple that number and that's a much more accurate number. If that's true, then she's taken way too much (obviously any that wasn't prescribed for her is too much!). Of course she won't tell me where she's getting the hydrocodone from.
So now what? School will be dismissed for the summer in a week. She will be away from the questionable friends...so I don't think an inpatient program is necessary at this time as she will be away from all of those people in the summer. She starts band/guard camp in July and will be with a much better group of friends, so I hope she can make new friends and see that life is much better without the drugs. In the meantime, her therapist is looking into a support group for teens with issues with drugs.
As for me...I can't lie. I am SO crushed. My heart is absolutely broken into a million pieces. I want so much more for her life. She has so much more potential. And while I know this really isn't the end of the world, it angers me...because I know the tendency for dependency is passed down because her drug addict mother couldn't clean herself up during pregnancy. Furthermore, I can't keep her from it. There is no way my nerves or patience would allow me to homeschool her. I can't afford to send her to a private school. On top of that, she's made Color Guard and I was looking forward to her having something she could be proud of doing...so I don't want to pull her from that, either. We've done all we can think to do like hiding medications at home, being very careful of where we allow her to go, who we allow her to be with, etc. and we've talked to her from our hearts about where this could lead her. There's also the issue with her upcoming knee surgery...I will have to insist that they not give her anything that's a narcotic for pain, causing her to suffer more in the long run. I'm just lost...I feel like I've just learned that one of my children has a critical, life-threatening illness. I can't concentrate, I can't think straight and I've even forgotten an appointment I was supposed to have today.
Not much improvement for Jacob, either. They added an antidepressant to his medication to see if that would help with the anger, thinking maybe it's caused from being depressed and irritable. I can see TEENSY improvements, but the first med made him want to sleep all the time...now we'll try yet another.
So that's our latest drama. I don't feel like our lives are ever free from drama and I'm so, SO tired. If you read this and you even remotely believe in miracles, I'd appreciate it SO much if you could please ask God to send us one.
So now what? School will be dismissed for the summer in a week. She will be away from the questionable friends...so I don't think an inpatient program is necessary at this time as she will be away from all of those people in the summer. She starts band/guard camp in July and will be with a much better group of friends, so I hope she can make new friends and see that life is much better without the drugs. In the meantime, her therapist is looking into a support group for teens with issues with drugs.
As for me...I can't lie. I am SO crushed. My heart is absolutely broken into a million pieces. I want so much more for her life. She has so much more potential. And while I know this really isn't the end of the world, it angers me...because I know the tendency for dependency is passed down because her drug addict mother couldn't clean herself up during pregnancy. Furthermore, I can't keep her from it. There is no way my nerves or patience would allow me to homeschool her. I can't afford to send her to a private school. On top of that, she's made Color Guard and I was looking forward to her having something she could be proud of doing...so I don't want to pull her from that, either. We've done all we can think to do like hiding medications at home, being very careful of where we allow her to go, who we allow her to be with, etc. and we've talked to her from our hearts about where this could lead her. There's also the issue with her upcoming knee surgery...I will have to insist that they not give her anything that's a narcotic for pain, causing her to suffer more in the long run. I'm just lost...I feel like I've just learned that one of my children has a critical, life-threatening illness. I can't concentrate, I can't think straight and I've even forgotten an appointment I was supposed to have today.
Not much improvement for Jacob, either. They added an antidepressant to his medication to see if that would help with the anger, thinking maybe it's caused from being depressed and irritable. I can see TEENSY improvements, but the first med made him want to sleep all the time...now we'll try yet another.
So that's our latest drama. I don't feel like our lives are ever free from drama and I'm so, SO tired. If you read this and you even remotely believe in miracles, I'd appreciate it SO much if you could please ask God to send us one.
Monday, May 11, 2009
I just can't catch a break....
In lots of ways. For one, Jacob's behavior just continues to decline. We have honestly tried everything we can think of, except institutionalizing him. He listens to nothing we say, has at least one raging fit per day and is completely unmanageable. I keep hearing he needs this or he needs that...but we've tried all of those things. And most days I feel like nobody understands. I fear him. I worry about what he might try at some point to hurt someone in the house. His therapist actually worries the same thing. I can't even begin to go into all that's happened in the past few months but it includes stealing and lying. And lots and lots of rage.
Then today I got a call from Catie's Court Designated Worker. She let me know that Catie has some tardies and an unexcused (and unexplained!) absence. So I'm taking her back in. I truly hope she has to go in front of the judge this time. I don't know what else to do with her.
On top of that, she has to go back in for knee surgery on June 4th. It may end her Color Guard "career" before it ever starts...but then again, it doesn't really matter because as of right now, she's nearly failing school. She currently has a 65.5% average in all of her classes. That's a D...which knocks her off of Color Guard. I'm considering just asking for a refund and not even allowing her to do it. I pick her up this afternoon and plan to talk to her instructor.
Jacob goes to see a GI specialist at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital on June 16th. He's had a tender spot in his right side for awhile now...and the other day he got hit in the side with a basketball and started throwing up soon after that. I took him to the ER and they told us nothing was wrong. Baloney. They could only partially do the CT scan...he's allergic to shrimp and so they couldn't do the intravenous contrast. It has iodine in it...which is what people react to in shellfish. So, his regular doctor/nurse practitioner called and got him into Vanderbilt. It's a little scary, for sure.
Add in Stacy totalling his truck, the computer's hard drive crashing, the van being in the shop twice (and still needing yet more repairs) and all the other life stressors, I'm stressed. I truly desire your prayers...for my mental, emotional and physical health. I am still having trouble with my right hand and arm. Numbness, tingling, a knot at the base of my thumb and SEVERE pain when I move my thumb sometimes. Having no health insurance is a really hard thing and I hate it. It definitely increases the need for prayer!
And that's it in a very small nutshell. There's so much more, but that's the general gist of it all. I'm horrible at updating this thing! I will try to be more frequent...and hopefully more positive.
Then today I got a call from Catie's Court Designated Worker. She let me know that Catie has some tardies and an unexcused (and unexplained!) absence. So I'm taking her back in. I truly hope she has to go in front of the judge this time. I don't know what else to do with her.
On top of that, she has to go back in for knee surgery on June 4th. It may end her Color Guard "career" before it ever starts...but then again, it doesn't really matter because as of right now, she's nearly failing school. She currently has a 65.5% average in all of her classes. That's a D...which knocks her off of Color Guard. I'm considering just asking for a refund and not even allowing her to do it. I pick her up this afternoon and plan to talk to her instructor.
Jacob goes to see a GI specialist at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital on June 16th. He's had a tender spot in his right side for awhile now...and the other day he got hit in the side with a basketball and started throwing up soon after that. I took him to the ER and they told us nothing was wrong. Baloney. They could only partially do the CT scan...he's allergic to shrimp and so they couldn't do the intravenous contrast. It has iodine in it...which is what people react to in shellfish. So, his regular doctor/nurse practitioner called and got him into Vanderbilt. It's a little scary, for sure.
Add in Stacy totalling his truck, the computer's hard drive crashing, the van being in the shop twice (and still needing yet more repairs) and all the other life stressors, I'm stressed. I truly desire your prayers...for my mental, emotional and physical health. I am still having trouble with my right hand and arm. Numbness, tingling, a knot at the base of my thumb and SEVERE pain when I move my thumb sometimes. Having no health insurance is a really hard thing and I hate it. It definitely increases the need for prayer!
And that's it in a very small nutshell. There's so much more, but that's the general gist of it all. I'm horrible at updating this thing! I will try to be more frequent...and hopefully more positive.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Check out my Etsy store!
I have a link that's supposed to put a little advertisement on here, but apparently the site won't allow it. If it will, I can't figure it out myself as I'm not too computer literate. Anyway...Etsy is a neat craft site and I've posted some of my handmade items as well as excess scrapbooking and paper crafting supplies that I won't be using.
Check it out!
www.cozycraftcloset.etsy.com
Check it out!
www.cozycraftcloset.etsy.com
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Yayy for Spring!!
I am SO glad that Spring is just around the corner. I know there will still be chilly days, but the awesome 60-70 degree weather we've had the past two days lets me know we're headed in that direction.
I have a feeling our lives are getting ready to get busy. Abby wants to play soccer for the YMCA and Catie really wants to join the Color Guard. Jacob and Skylan will go to 4-H summer camp this summer as well. I sign Abby up for kindergarten on March 19th and I also have to get Skylan's 6th grade physical and shots.
We've all stayed pretty healthy this year...a few short stints of sickness, but nothing horrific. Skylan had strep, Jacob had pinkeye, Abby had an ear infection and I have had yet another sinus infection most likely brought on by allergies. But all seems to be back to a healthy normal now.
Stacy has gone part time at Truck Tops, Etc. and is working almost full time for himself. It makes for a busy week for him. He works late almost every night and doesn't get home until 7:30 or 8:00. I hate that, but I guess I shouldn't complain. He is slowly rebuilding his life as he knew it and he seems much happier for it. I'm thankful he has been able to get back to what he loves doing the most. Best of all, he has been able to rebuild his relationship with one of his brothers (the one in Bowling Green) and has also been keeping in closer contact with his brother, Jeff, in Vegas. If nothing good came from the fire, he has at least been able to take a step in the direction of making things right with Mike. He does still suffer with his hand now that he is using it more. I suppose that will simply take more time to finish healing inside. Soon, I hope.
And I'M getting ready to head for the mountains...literally!! My cousin, Donna, and two of my best friends from church (Angie and Amberlee) are all going away for a girls' weekend! I am so excited. It will be the first time I've been anywhere overnight with NO children by myself in .... I can't remember how long. It will be so awesome to be without any responsibilites for just those few short days. I'm really looking forward to it!
I have a feeling our lives are getting ready to get busy. Abby wants to play soccer for the YMCA and Catie really wants to join the Color Guard. Jacob and Skylan will go to 4-H summer camp this summer as well. I sign Abby up for kindergarten on March 19th and I also have to get Skylan's 6th grade physical and shots.
We've all stayed pretty healthy this year...a few short stints of sickness, but nothing horrific. Skylan had strep, Jacob had pinkeye, Abby had an ear infection and I have had yet another sinus infection most likely brought on by allergies. But all seems to be back to a healthy normal now.
Stacy has gone part time at Truck Tops, Etc. and is working almost full time for himself. It makes for a busy week for him. He works late almost every night and doesn't get home until 7:30 or 8:00. I hate that, but I guess I shouldn't complain. He is slowly rebuilding his life as he knew it and he seems much happier for it. I'm thankful he has been able to get back to what he loves doing the most. Best of all, he has been able to rebuild his relationship with one of his brothers (the one in Bowling Green) and has also been keeping in closer contact with his brother, Jeff, in Vegas. If nothing good came from the fire, he has at least been able to take a step in the direction of making things right with Mike. He does still suffer with his hand now that he is using it more. I suppose that will simply take more time to finish healing inside. Soon, I hope.
And I'M getting ready to head for the mountains...literally!! My cousin, Donna, and two of my best friends from church (Angie and Amberlee) are all going away for a girls' weekend! I am so excited. It will be the first time I've been anywhere overnight with NO children by myself in .... I can't remember how long. It will be so awesome to be without any responsibilites for just those few short days. I'm really looking forward to it!
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